T’was the Night before Xmas
by Henry, Joe & No-no!
Now let’s get this right — it’s me Henry — the TV superstar and head dog. Forget the Joe & No-no – they are just the supporting cast. For some strange reason, Mum’s asked me to tell you about Christmas in our household. Well – where do I begin?
We always know it’s Christmas when she starts talking about the Christmas tree and in spite of her best efforts, Dad always insists that it is his job to get it. Last year, Mum asks for 1 large tree to go in the new lounge and Dad turns up with 3 little ones because they were on offer. I can’t repeat the exact exchanges because this is a family magazine. Anyway, the net result, we ended up with 4 and the big one was enormous and we had a job to find enough baubles!
Days before Christmas are anxious times because Mum’s so busy I have to keep reminding her to feed us (kicking the steel bowl round the kitchen works wonders). On the other hand, Christmas Eve is great — kids come home and there is food everywhere or at least that’s what I thought. I didn’t account for the Joe.
The table is laid — salmon, lots of meat, cheese and profiteroles. All those left-overs, YUM! Sarah and new boyfriend arrive and within half an hour, he starts crying or at least that’s what it looked like. He said he was allergic to dogs and dustmites. Allergic to us — I ask you — this guy’s got to go. What was Sarah thinking? Anyway, Mum does the usual – rubs us all over with the PetalCleanse™ and then rushes round spraying everything in sight with AirCleanse™ and HomeCleanse™. The boyfriend starts to recover and harmony is restored.
Ed, Claire and partners arrive and everyone goes to the table and shock horror, there wasn’t much there. One morsel of salmon, 3 profiteroles and a couple of half chewed steaks. We looked around in disbelief and then we saw the Joe in his basket with a pound of cheese in his mouth and chocolate sauce dripping down his chin. I must say, my Mum’s self-control was beyond the call of duty. She politely ushered him out into the cold with, I must admit, a small sign of her mean streak.
An hour later the feast was restored, the kids were well high on the bubbly stuff and it was peace on earth and goodwill to all men. Mum even remembered to feed us – well everyone except Joe of course. Much to my disgust, he didn’t even have the decency to be sick.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all.
Henry the Superstar
P.S. Make sure you’ve got some Bio-Life cleansers and a high table!